Nicotine Needs

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The nicotine needs of her warmth haunt me still.
My notions betray my principles, and I can't put morality on how I feel.
The tars of what can't be undone are always at war with me.
The penance of tragedy fills up my lungs.
This eternal turmoil goes beyond right and wrong.

I'm enticed by her nicotine voice, for it's always a matter of longing, but never a matter of choice.
Sometimes, I go 15 days sober, yet sometimes my addiction to her takes over.
I can't reach out to her, so I reach out to nicotine instead.
I can't seem to get her out of my head, so I smoke out my emotions instead.

The smoke lingers, and so does my yearning for her.
I let it linger for a while, it gives me a reason to smile.

The nicotine needs of her warmth haunt me still.
My notions betray my principles, and I can't put morality on how I feel.
The tars of what can't be undone are always at war with me.
The penance of tragedy fills up my lungs.
This eternal turmoil goes beyond right and wrong.

I'm enticed by her nicotine voice, for it's always a matter of longing, but never a matter of choice.
Sometimes, I go fifteen days sober, yet sometimes my addiction to her takes over.
I can't reach out to her, so I reach out to nicotine instead.
I can't seem to get her out of my head, so I smoke out my emotions by the thread.

The smoke lingers, and so does my yearning for her.
I let it linger for a while, it gives me a reason to smile.
And when it fades, that's my cue to go back to being dead.
I lock it all in and trust me, I won't tell a soul 'cause people write stories about love bombing & hyperbole.

I can't find a way back to you, so I just stare at the door.
I stare at the door with a pack of cigarettes in hand, too apprehensive to open it, too fond of it to let it go.

I can't be an addict I remind myself, only to succumb to my greed and baser needs.
My nicotine needs and unfulfilled dreams find an abode in her memories.
I'm a creature of the night, and I have plenty of time to write about all the ways I can self-destruct than profess the obvious.

Not being obvious leads to secrecy that makes her curious about the amount of hold she has on me.
Obvious or not, my feelings for her are too hot not to leave a burn mark.

My burns and scars are too personal to me & have never brought me shame.
But I do hide them cause I don't want the wound to equate to her name.

We lived through enough nicotine wars already, and maybe now, it's time for peace.
The remains of our romance deserve it, I guess.

I try to stay sober yet long for a sight of her face.
It is what it is, & one can't put a taboo on taste.
The taste of her lips and aftertaste of nicotine seem too familiar, and to choose between the two seems so heart-numbingly peculiar.

Seasons change, yet yearning remains, for her and for nicotine.
I promise my friends that I will quit, but the truth is, I'm more into nicotine than I have ever been.

My Hand-crafted Memoirs of Grief

I try to paint you sometimes,

I paint your hair with essential oils from Buenos Aires.

I paint your eyes as yellow as the sun & as tender as daffodils.

I try to paint your heart, a bit bigger than it usually is.

I paint your past with alibis of grief. 

I paint your future with promises that are too great to keep.

I try to paint our  present, yet the painting always feels incomplete.

What happens when your hues run out? 

When you are left with too little red, yet you are left with a whole lot of grey.

You got to make do with what you have and label it as an incomplete masterpiece at best. 

I try to paint over your wounds with red of love, hoping it will subdue the red of  your blood.

I try to paint your scars with the sky full of stars that we cherish under the dark blue sky.

I try to paint your lust for me with a gentle stroke and try to eradicate all your memoirs of an unwanted touch.

I try to paint over your insecurities every day with affirmations of joy, even though I know it will be never enough.

I do try to paint, but my will is helpless here against my skills here.

I do this all in my head while I'm alone in my bed.

I'm wondering all these paintings,  all these emotions would have been better, it were left unpainted.

I don't know what is worse, them being unfinished or them being unwanted.

I can neither sell them or leave them unhinged.

I was hoping if you could keep them, either as memoirs or another sign of grief.

 

During this winter, if you go past my house, remember to ask for the coat that you love wearing. 

Smear it on you as much as you like, as if it was your lover's embrace. 

When the winter's over and the ice starts to melt, please return the coat. Do me a favor, please don't wash it.

 I want to take in the essence of a winter spent in your arms and preserve it forever.

Favourite Anti-hero

The autumn makes the trees shed their leaves, but we don't shed our childishness for this world. We keep the child in ourselves alive. You are my favourite trailblazer, we are our favourite anti-hero. We put our champagne problems to the side and forget about the cruel summer of 23. We shake off all the bad blood and find a new love for the blank spaces that were left behind. Enchanted, we are with our newfound fury for negligence. The cardigan of courage wraps up wildest dreams all too well. Only the young can seek something better than revenge. move forward with our eyes open and the thread of life tied together with a smile. The girl at home has grown up and is no longer an innocent babe. Nobody, no crime, we are longer dancing with our hands tied, we are free to stay, stay in Paris all by ourselves. It's time to go and end the great war that we have within ourselves. You are not sorry for how the world made you change. you chose to stay beautiful.

No vigilante needed to justify a false god, No more messages in a bottle from the obnoxious fraud. If this was a movie, this moment was the epiphany you were looking for. Today was a fairytale, as you no longer are the foolish one, the sanity you earned tastes sweeter than fiction. You can see his castle crumbling as you deny him the closure he thinks he is owed. But I hope you chose to reprimand your exile and question the state of forever winter that you put yourself in. Encapsulating your hopes, you reach for your dreams, which are bigger than the whole sky. Mad women seek the thrill of a gold rush of adventures evermore. You are on your kid and long live the independence that we were awarded as a gift. The aftermath of your requiem is the holy ground you stand upon now, resuscitated, rejuvenated, reincarnated. This Ronan rests safe and sound now, no more nightmares of delicate invisible things that once had control of you. You know this world all too well now, to be fooled again. So even with all your disappointment, reservations and pain, you, begin again.

Addamm aur Eve

Tu ayena hai mere chahaato ka,
Mere har ek karvato se tera nata ho,
Na koi ho mujh jaisa, jo tujhe khud se bhi zaada chahta ho.
Na koi aur ho tujh jaisa , jo bageecho mein apna ghar basata ,aur gulon se bhi rishta nibhata ho.
Jab bhi ho tu mere roobaroo,Main teri surat pe maru.
Tuhjse  hi rootho, phir tujh se hi shikayat karu.
Main dubu har bar tere mohabtt main,
Har janam main teri hi ibadaat karu.




Baat lu apne hisse ki ansu, cheen lu tere hisse ka chain,
Taalshu  tujhmein vo khamiyon ki naksha, jo mere andar base.
Vo kehte hai ki humare vajoodh alag, mahzab alag, toh humare yeh ehsas najayaz hai
Par Ghalib kehte hai ishq mein sab jayaz hai.
Toh ban jaun fakir, char jau suli, kar doon sab kuch tere naam?
Kyun ki tera jo rishta un gulon se, mere tujhse wahi rishta hai, jo mujhe teri ore kheech ta hai.
Janmo se toh yahi chala araha hai, jaise tu Eve, aur main Adam.

Flowershops in Florence

We will meet at another time perhaps, in another city or on an another continent perhaps. Ten years from now I'll be walking by a market and might see you in a flower shop in Florence. Lurking your hands through violets and cosmos to find something as beautiful as you for your garden. We bump into each other.  I take a moment to confirm whether it's you or not. You seem pleasantly surprised. I stare at you, get a glimpse at your sleep deprived eyes and start to wonder what is keeping you awake at nights. You feel a bit shy and look away but only for a moment though, for some reason you can't take your eyes off me either.. May be there was regret in your eyes or a relief that you couldn't hold on to me just like he couldn't hold on to you.. We exchanged pleasantries, imbibed  menial small talks but the same question ligered at back of our mind. Should we go back to our requem of feelings  ,or shut all the funny feelings bubbling up inside? 'What would be more mature? That wasn't what the butterflies in my stomach were telling me. What were we supposed to make of this collision? Mutual retaliation or the same old one sided putrefaction? 'Does he still feels the same?' she wondered, or 'Did he forget about me cause he was never good at history". We were both famished, we were both thirsty for what we couldn't have and for what we couldn't get. Would it be wise to give it one more try? All these thoughts galloping inside us I saw her calming down and asking me would you like something to eat? Now, how can you say no to that?? No to something that you wanted all your life, no to someone who wants to be with you. I said yes(obviously!! What gave you away right.).She had flowers and groceries, I asked to hold them she obliged and held on to my arm isntead.'There much warmer' she thought to herslf.. We went to a place she suggested. Nothing fancy but amusingly romantic.. We sat there for hours, catching up on life, art, pets and exes till we were almost outta time.. I walked her to her abode and realised she doesn't live far away from my place.. She started walking up the stairs, I was walking away slowly.. Call me romatic, think I'm crazy, I ran upto her and shouted "Hey, can we see eachother again", an familiar voice replied "Yeah, tomorrow may be"..

Youk Rain

The whole world watches as the hostile forces invade my brain.

What I used to call mine isn't mine anymore, the hostile authoritarian powers at play are trying to convince me that the ownership has changed.

Government, law, militia, propaganda keeps changing, yet our love remains the same.

Yes my world, my horrid world is at war again.

My streets were drenched in blood, the earth pouring rain.

We wash our wounds, we bury the dead, we can't get hold of an anaesthetic to numb our pain.

Our will doesn't surrender to dictators, but our bodies do to ammunition and strikes.

Reality kicks in so do shame.

As history dictates the tragedy of lives lost is not as catastrophic as a strike on a dictator's vain.

What will become of us? What will remain?

Will we become memoirs of martyrs who died for their freedom or condemned into metastasized refugees who can never live freely again?

Panorama In Blue

I'm in awe of you.
I'm in awe of every little thing you do, like how you curl your hair and how ravishing you look in blue.
I'm in awe of every little detail about you.
I'm in awe of her hair, eyes, and skin. I'm in awe of every distinctive hue.

I'm in awe of all the mesmerizing tranquilities you possess, despite the fact I only get to witness a few.

To see your smile must be a wonderful view for someone who gets to be around you, with all your beauty, you must look like a panorama in blue.


 I'm smitten by how you stare, like you care, you're always there, whenever I need you.

I'm smitten by the fact you are my closest friend. I'm by the fact you help lost causes and rescue kittens.

I'm smitten by how choose to preserve my sanctity and continue to be my sanctuary.

I'm smitten by the fact you are the woman for all seasons and not just February.

Out of all things iI could pretend to be with you, I choose to be vulnerable and true.

To embrace you and tell you how I feel. To share the warmth I have is the only thing wanna do, for all it's worth, you must feel like a panorama in blue.

I'm bewitched by your strength, your courage.
I'm bewitched by how no constraints can ever be your cage.
I'm bewitched by the fact that you have the youth of a child yet knowledge of a sage.

I'm bewitched by the words you whisper to me, and then you become poetry on a page.

I'm bewitched by the magic in you and the miracles you do.

To shower you full of surprises, to witness a few sunrises, to be done with all the disguises and to to finally give in to all the plans I have for you. You must dream like a panorama in blue.

I'm aroused by your brilliant mind, your thoughts divine, and the notions you bind.
I'm aroused by how you are tough you are, yet you treat people's minds.

I'm aroused by everything about you that is free and wild.
For all intentions and purposes, you are one of a kind.

The symphony of emotions you have started paying in your heart turns into melancholy when I'm not near you.

To drown in your company, to get lost in your eyes, and to engage in your thoughts are my favorite things to do. For all the extent of my imagination and belief, you must taste like panorama in blue.


©writernova

Seven -Eleven

I was thinking about you last night, how you always save me when I feel lost.

Or maybe I was lost, so I was thinking about you.

I was thinking how much fun would it be to get lost together in a city as anonymous to us as we are to them.

We would divulge the food, the people,  the art, and the culture of that place till there is left for us to sink in.

We would witness the night in our favourite shade of whiskey.

We would taste every palette of the moonlight sky, till we memorise the aftertaste of it all.

We can travel through a lifetime of thrills till we hit a dead-end at seven in the morning.

Our hungry exhausted soul would light up as we come across a dimly lit Seven-Eleven.

We would be in our flawed vulnerable headspace, basking in each others company with whatever bit of sobriety we have left.

With no demons left to kill, no secrets left to spill. We gonna chill through the momentary bliss that we stole from the world which doesn't understand our language.

As we sit on the floors of that Seven-Eleven, you will smile at me and I will smile at you, and hopefully, we will see each other again.

My Gypsy Friend

Hi gypsy women, where are you off to now?
Who is it that calls your soul? The sands of the desert, or the waves of the shores?

She doesn't share the sun and the moon. She keeps a whole universe to herself, riveting every planetary phenomenon, choreographing every constellation, befitting of being called a masterpiece.

I hope she opens the door someday revealing the beauty of who she really is. I wished to be called upon by my gypsy friend who stays far away. I hope to see the empires blue and the skies grey with her.. I hope to travel with my gypsy woman someday.

We are Nuclear..

I don't know whether the glass is half empty or half full.All I know is I'm drowning in in my emotions and I'm done playing it cool.

I feel my passions for you burning inside my body like Tapanuli fever.I pour myself a glass of wine and cry me a river..

I touch my burnt cigarette with my lips one last time before it flickers away.

Just like I did with you before it all ended in flames.Even if I light a new one it still feels the same.

All the roads I take for exile are shipwrecked by the reminiscences of the sweet words which you used to whisper in my ears when we couldn't get enough of each other.

We had enough of each other I guess,plutonic notions exploding like reactors to a nuclear fission, swearing our atoms won't ever get close to each other ever again.We subjected our love to entropy, sparing each other another lifetime of pain.

©writernova

Zendaya

My world is very different from yours, lightyears apart, theorically doomed, practically not feasible to co-exist.

But we do share the light of the same star, shade of the same sky in the same universe don't we?

May be you are my reckoning,  or just may be you are the miracle that I was hoping for all along..

The times  I have pushed you away to save myself,  are the times I wanted to seek solace in arms..

But why do I feel tangled in your thoughts when I promised myself I will never go down that road again.. 

For I'm lost, in love, confused and in denial about my feelings for you, making sure not to make you aware of the power you have over me.. 

You make me weak on my kness yet when I'm with you give me the courage to face the world with all their eyes judging me..

Not a day goes my when I don't want to tell you the truth, that You mean much more to me than I let the world to believe..

The truth that there is a part in me which believes in you more than my insecurities..

We are fight a cold war, you and I, and sadly we both are losing in this entropy of madness.

But be it winning or losing and everything in between, I want to do it all with you,every day every week, every season, surrendering to my unscathed notions which rebels against every reason which tells me we can't be together..

We are doomed ,you and I.

Doomed to either fall in love or fall apart, Doomed to see this through, or break each other's heart..

©writernova

Hunger Games

I'm hungry my love,
for the love you're supposed to give,
for the life we were supposed to live..
I'm starving for that intimate walk,
that first kiss where you'll be out of breath,

and I will be on my knees..
I'm famished, for I fear our time never came
and our emotions vanished..
Did it get too real too soon?
Did I lose even before I got a chance to participate?
Or is it one those outbursts that I'm going to regret..
If I don't call on you, would you stay?
Will I again come home to the cruel tunes of fate?
Is it a disease though?
I thought you're the cure.
You ever present aura was kind enough to heal me..
Now this sudden abstinence from you is killing me from the inside..
I'm stuck, stuck in a motel of memories turning toxic by the second,
unhinging my senses to a state of numbness..
Is it true that the door is closed?
Is it true that you don't want me anymore?
Did I ever matter?
Would you be alright If I shatter?
Cause you were the one who fixed me up piece by piece..
As you chose you forget me,
as you chose not to keep me ,
allow me turn into dust,
a pile of lifeless debris with only the reminisces of a bittersweet
aftertaste of a benovalent tragedy..

Banjara (Masaan Tribute)

Main ek banjara banjara re,
Koi sarhad na kinara re,
Doobta sa ek sitara re
Farishta tha ab bigad gaya..
Asmaan se gira,toot ke bikhar gaya,
Putla tha moum ka, pighal gaya..
Main banjara banjara re,
Banjara banjara re..


Hum chalte the dheema dheema, chota sa wazir tha..
Sukh, dukh toh hote hai paraye apna toh sirf asmaan aur zameen tha..
Bin shayari ki guzar rahi thi zindagi, kuch panno ne meri kahani se mila diya..
Ek meethi si goonj uthi, aur roote ko bhi hasa diya..
Jab jazbaato ki khirki khuli, usme mein apna ghar basa liya..


Main ek banjara banjara re,
Koi sarhad na kinara re,
Doobta sa ek sitara re
Ek jeet thi vo bhi fisal gaya..
Achanak ek more aya, hum ko chorr ke sab nikal gaya..
Main banjara banjara re..
Banjara banjara re..


Ek perr ke niche kabhi kabhi mila karti thi zindagi hum se,
Uss per k tale hi thadhak thi, uss per k tale hi rahat thi..
Ek andhi ayi, per ko jaala diya..
Jale tum bhi , jale hum bhi..
Ek pal mein sab kuch mita diya..
Bas ehesaaso ki jo rakh bachi, vo reh/bujh gayi banke dhua dhua..


Main ek banjara banjara re,
Koi sarhad na kinara re,
Doobta sa ek sitara re
Kho diye unko jo kareeb the,
Hum toh aise mareez the,
Ki lakeer ne jab daga diya,
Dil ne ansuyon se waha kiya.

Main banjara banjara re..
Banjara banjara re..
Main ek banjara banjara re,
Koi sarhad na kinara re,
Doobta sa ek sitara re..
Banjara banjara re..
Main ek banjara banjara re..

Nyctanthes After November

 

 

 

It's the peace before the storm which gives the illusion of tranquility, till the blizzard hits and everything crumbles..Yes I fell, fell from the stars to the rock bottom of reality as i saw all those lights dimmed into darkness. Its the moment of reckoning that an incident has the divinity of making or breaking us.. And yes I did got broken, every piece of my body & every inch of my soul to a point that was beyond repair. The aftershocks of irreversible damages broke the bridges I was too weak to build, for I was alone and lonely, fighting a battle of my own.. A battle for me & my existence, & the choice to decide whether I should live or die was not mine. For that I had to fight, to show them, there is still something inside of me that is still living or trying is best to survive..

I had to survive, I just had to, for how can I ever leave you without letting you know how I felt about you.. How could i have died, without showing you that your love was the only thing keeping me alive. That even though I was lonely, I was never alone, your silent acts of affection, reminded me why I couldn't have left then.. how could I grow cold when your warmth was rejuvenating me. I needed you with me if i ever were to blossom again.. So I waited for you everyday just as I waited every year for nyctanthes in October..

I held on to your embrace to show you how much this dying heart beats for you. It worked I guess cause it was enough to keep you with till the end, till the end of me.. I know i'm just a memory now trying to last forever, but i really want you to know that its you and only you that kept me going, who gave me hope, fed me love and cloaked me with care and made me feel how it feels to be  alive again as i breathed heavily in you arms, as I saw you the last time.. I had to go Dan, suddenly, like i did the last time.. I'm sorry that i left without a goodbye, I hope you don't mind..

Letter From The Unloved

I gave you my heart, told you how i feel.
And then life pulled me out of my fantasy to the cold and hard place called reality
Loose ends of feelings, spoken and unspoken
Relentless beating of hearts that remain broken and unbroken..
It doesn't have the time to stop, it marches on.

I lost you, you didn't lose me.
Its just sad that it isn't what it used to be.
I didn't know that confession of my attraction would lead to our destruction
And though you chose to go away, you still remain my favorite distraction.

The whole world tells you to take it easy
But we both know dear, moving on isn't easy
Because no matter how much you try to hide, those feelings still reside.
And we sulk in to nothingness waiting for our memories to die..

 Probability is a gargantuan if..
Sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss
And yes i missed, i missed by a mile
But strangely though what i miss the most  is your smile.
.
I don't tell anyone but i do miss you..
The fact that you won't comeback, scares me a little.
The fact that i won't see you again, tears me a little.
But its clear by the things you told, you were never mine to hold,
You were never mine to kiss, you were never mine to miss
And you're gone now, I don't know how to deal with stuff.
Guess no matter how much you love,
It is never enough.

For All Those Times

For all those time we fell in love. For all those times our hearts skipped a beat. 
For all those time we felt their heat. For all those times we thought it would last forever.
 For all those times we convinced ourselves never ever.
 For all those times when we broke our vows..
 For all our mistakes that our heart allowed.. 
For all the times our hearts got broken. For all the memories that were never spoken. 
For all the heartaches still reside. For all the time we had to hide our feelings inside..
 For all those time we played the game. For all those times we felt insane .. 
For all those times we felt insecure. For all those time we promised never to go back there any more..
 For all those times we thought we would learn from the problems we face.. For all those time we found ourselves in the same place..

CR7:The Destroyer Of Defence(Click Home)

Click on Home to see the dare

Tribute To The Warrior Footballer

Small boy from a small town, since growing up he never backed down.
Two things he knew- hard work & football. He never gives up,always stands tall.
He came from a place so rural,where poverty was the only thing plural.
One day he got a call from MANCHESTER. They needed a new "No.7" to join their roster.
He came to the city of red and soon everybody was afraid.
He sprinted fast, ripped apart defenses and could change the game in an instant.
And then there were those free kicks and long shots that flew with such pace and grace.
Three Premiere Leagues  and an UCL. Football is being dominated by  this angel from hell.

It was all sunny in Manchester & CR7 was rocking,then the greatest football club came on knocking.
An offer of a lifetime came from very far, where he would get to join a galaxy of stars.
REAL gave MANCHESTER  80 million pounds. His move to Madrid is as good as it sounds.
As always he came, he saw, he conquered. As the people of Spain wondered.
The city of Madrid cheered as he arrived.The world watched in envy as the Bernabeu smiled.
He's the only one to score in 7 consecutive "EL CLSSICOS". He is the most deadly weapon of the "GALACTICOS'.

He doesn't need a Blatter D'or to claim he is the best. He still  works harder than the rest.
He gives everything & a little bit more, while the "Good Boy" keeps on under-performing & shows off his 4.
Working hard is one-thing, fulfilling our dreams is another, He dedicated everything to his father.
500 goals till now.. Even Raul says "wow". Soon he will break Raul's record too cause there's nothing defenders can do.
His name is CR7, I call him " the demon from heaven". To some he is a commander, to some he is god.
But in our humble opinion we just wanna say he is "much better than a tax fraud"..

Checkout this amazing story

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