Nyctanthes After November

 

 

 

It's the peace before the storm which gives the illusion of tranquility, till the blizzard hits and everything crumbles..Yes I fell, fell from the stars to the rock bottom of reality as i saw all those lights dimmed into darkness. Its the moment of reckoning that an incident has the divinity of making or breaking us.. And yes I did got broken, every piece of my body & every inch of my soul to a point that was beyond repair. The aftershocks of irreversible damages broke the bridges I was too weak to build, for I was alone and lonely, fighting a battle of my own.. A battle for me & my existence, & the choice to decide whether I should live or die was not mine. For that I had to fight, to show them, there is still something inside of me that is still living or trying is best to survive..

I had to survive, I just had to, for how can I ever leave you without letting you know how I felt about you.. How could i have died, without showing you that your love was the only thing keeping me alive. That even though I was lonely, I was never alone, your silent acts of affection, reminded me why I couldn't have left then.. how could I grow cold when your warmth was rejuvenating me. I needed you with me if i ever were to blossom again.. So I waited for you everyday just as I waited every year for nyctanthes in October..

I held on to your embrace to show you how much this dying heart beats for you. It worked I guess cause it was enough to keep you with till the end, till the end of me.. I know i'm just a memory now trying to last forever, but i really want you to know that its you and only you that kept me going, who gave me hope, fed me love and cloaked me with care and made me feel how it feels to be  alive again as i breathed heavily in you arms, as I saw you the last time.. I had to go Dan, suddenly, like i did the last time.. I'm sorry that i left without a goodbye, I hope you don't mind..

Letter From The Unloved

I gave you my heart, told you how i feel.
And then life pulled me out of my fantasy to the cold and hard place called reality
Loose ends of feelings, spoken and unspoken
Relentless beating of hearts that remain broken and unbroken..
It doesn't have the time to stop, it marches on.

I lost you, you didn't lose me.
Its just sad that it isn't what it used to be.
I didn't know that confession of my attraction would lead to our destruction
And though you chose to go away, you still remain my favorite distraction.

The whole world tells you to take it easy
But we both know dear, moving on isn't easy
Because no matter how much you try to hide, those feelings still reside.
And we sulk in to nothingness waiting for our memories to die..

 Probability is a gargantuan if..
Sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss
And yes i missed, i missed by a mile
But strangely though what i miss the most  is your smile.
.
I don't tell anyone but i do miss you..
The fact that you won't comeback, scares me a little.
The fact that i won't see you again, tears me a little.
But its clear by the things you told, you were never mine to hold,
You were never mine to kiss, you were never mine to miss
And you're gone now, I don't know how to deal with stuff.
Guess no matter how much you love,
It is never enough.